Male. 30+. 245 words. Bobby: "Dickwad Indiana." From Wheel of Fortune.
By Paul Pasulka
Man, you suicidal or what? You know what you just did? That guy you almost knocked down, rushin' over here to get a beer? Yeah, that guy working the cup with the Salvation Army lady. No. No! You gonna hang out at this bar you’re gonna be educated. So just shut the fuck up and listen. That's Joey Fortunato... Oh, yeah. You're not from here. Dickwad, Indiana, right? Still, I thought everyone knew Joey. Wheel of Fortune, they call him. Not to his face, though - not if they got any sense. Naw, he wouldn't hurt you. Not now, anyhow. Oh, don't get me wrong. He still could, no doubt. But he wouldn't. Yeah, I know. Looks like a punch-drunk rummy. Bashed-in face, gray and puffy. Eyes filled with smoke. Teeth either missin' or should be. But for all I know, he never touched a drop in his life. Maybe he shoulda.
Oh, so you’re ready to listen? Good. Listen. Joey and me hung out together when we were kids. He was funny. Goofy-like. Used to tell these little jokes and riddles and shit. Like one time, my parents were takin' us to the circus. He shows up at the house with an umbrella. Perfect sunny day. My ma says, “Joey, why do you have an umbrella?” And he looks at her and he says, all polite-like, “Well, Mrs. Mazzoni, it's in case the man on the flying trap pees.” She got such a kick outta him.