Female 30+. 191 words. Deanna: “I don't know what to do.” From Remote.
By Paul Pasulka
I want to stop hurting. I want him to stop hurting. I want to hold him, and tell him that I love him and miss him, and that I am so sorry. I want to make it all better. But I can’t… What can I do? I mean, I visit him every day. He still won’t look at me. I bring him something to eat – a candy bar or something... He doesn’t eat it while I’m there, but it’s gone the next day, so... I try to talk to him… They say he doesn’t talk to anyone… I go to AA – three days, three meetings so far… I’m doing everything I can, but…
And without the alcohol - I think I was more used to passing out than falling asleep. Now, seems like it takes forever to fall asleep, and then, after about an hour I wake up – like bang, wide awake, scared. And I just keep going over that night. I thought about taking something, for sleep. But I don’t know. I get the feeling that I gotta go through this. You know, “If it don’t kill you...?”