Female 30's. 332 words. Deanna: “I Hurt Him." from Remote.

By Paul Pasulka

Well, Ms. Quinn, the social worker at DCFS? She recommended I get some counseling. I’ve thought for a long time that I should, but… It always seemed like I was too busy, or I’d tell myself, when this happens, or that happens - whatever - things would be better… But nothing changed. Nothing changes. Ever (Beat.)  I miss him… Jamie... He's in the hospital, in DCFS custody while they evaluate me. I... hurt him. I mean, he’s okay. I didn't mean to, but... I was drinking – That's not an excuse. It's just that I'm so messed up. I want him back. I want to start over... But I don't know what that means, really. (Beat.) When he was born, even with all that was going on, I thought, “Now, this is going to be right.” I'd keep workin', stay in school; I'd make sure it was good. But I was just so young. And there wasn't enough time. Jamie had a baby-sitter, and then David moved in with us and it was, like, they immediately bonded.

David? Well, that’s the thing - I'm not totally sure who his father is. I mean, I think I know, but I was kind of wild then, partying and all. I stopped all that when I got pregnant, though. And the guy I think is his father was – is married. And David – Jamie thinks he was his father – was just so excited about having a kid. He begged me to marry him… It was good, at first. David was so devoted to him. They were like 'Pete and Repeat' They did everything together. But David and me didn't have much in common – apart from dance, and he was so serious about that. Soon, it seemed like Jamie and me didn't have much in common either. I guess I started feeling left out… like I wasn't needed, or wanted. I started going out, partying again. And then... I came home. They were watching TV. They were so close. I couldn’t stand it.