Male. 25+. 421 words. Timothy (TV Reporter): “Boiled in Oil.”

From Gruoch, or Lady Macbeth by Paul Pasulka

Kate, Timothy Dawkins here on scene with breaking news from the Grand Inquisitor of Scotland’s offices. It was just announced that Addie Berwick and her thirteen year old daughter, Caitlin, have been convicted of witchcraft. As you will recall, Addie was reportedly, and we say reportedly because all charges, witnesses, defense – everything, in fact, is sealed. Addie was first accused by her neighbor whose cows died mysteriously. Addie, as you may recall from earlier broadcasts, is the widow of Silas, and owns a thousand acres. Indeed, records show that the milk production of her cows has been very impressive.

Her neighbors, who describe Addie as simple-minded, initially reported that Caitlin is quite attentive to the herd, and that her accuser was quite neglectful of his own. The neighbors, after further questioning by homeland security, have recanted their original statements and accused Addie of riding her daughter through the fields in the light of the full moon. The inquisitor determined that Caitlin did, indeed, have scratches on her knees, and bones of serpents and rodents were found under the threshold of the accuser's barn.

As is customary in these matters when the charges are denied, enhanced interrogation methods were employed.  Water-boarding proved ineffective, so the boot was applied. Sorry, say again? Oh, the boot? An interrogation technique where the bones of the leg are slowly crushed. It’s said that while Addie continued to deny the charges Caitlin, witnessing this, confessed to all charges to end the interrogation, with the promise that the Inquisitor would not put her mother to the stake…

Effective? Well, the Archbishop of Alba was recently quoted as saying that only the guilty will confess with application of enhanced interrogation. “And if you think about it, why, exactly, would one confess to charges of such heinous acts if she were not guilty? It simply defies logic.”

I’m sorry? Well, Addie's property will be sold, with proceeds used to support the Church's educational program: Leave No Child's Behind. And Addie, of course, will be burned at the stake. What? No, Kate, the Inquisitor promised that she wouldn't be burned by him. And she won't. His assistant pronounced the sentence. Caitlin? Well, it seems the Archbishop has developed an interest in this child's welfare, and will take her to be raised in his residence where he can personally see to her, ah, rearing. Hold on, Kate. The gates are opening. Yes. Addie‘s being carted to the stake as we speak. And yes, it appears her leg was boiled in oil.